Too 'Short' a fuse
by demon-hell-fire
Summary: Trouble goes too far, and Holly does't appreciate that. Meanwhile Artemis is having a hard time trying to contact his best friend. Maybe she needs a vacation? Loads of A/H comedy fluff. R&R   nice. I'll probably update on a regular basis. T for now.
1. Chapter 1

LEPHQ

Holly sighed. She always sighs these days. Despite being a major, which seems to have more downfalls than upcomings, life is becoming... well increasingly _boring._ Predictable. The excitement from her life had gone and faded quite a while back now, really. The last interesting thing she did? It was go up to the surface two months ago, the place where she was first kidnapped, and it was almost not a surprise to run into Arty there.

She frowned at herself. Arty. Artemis. His name was Artemis, not Arty. That simple Mud-Ma – Boy. Mud-Boy. She got into the nasty habit of saying such... embarrassing... things in front of the insufferable Foaly, and Trouble. He always tended to blow up, more and more recently, at the mention of the Mud-Ma – she paused and frowned more.

She immediately realized her thoughts were scattered, this was not where her train of thought was supposed to be! She ran her finger threw her hair. What was she supposed to be doing? Where was she?

It was fairly dim, two desks around her and two spinning chairs. She span around in a few circles, bored. The office. Go figure. And sitting in front of her was the large stack of paperwork that made her frustrated as it was. Then she did something she didn't even expect herself to do.

She yelled for a solid 5 seconds in pure frustration. Her 'sound proof' walls stood no chance against the barrage of noise. Suddenly her door kicked in by, surprise surprise, Commander Trouble himself.

The look on his face was desperation, fear, and... well that says it all. Her face said with all its glory 'Frond save me from this hell!'

"Holly! Are you alright?" he sprinted over and began to thoroughly check every inch of her body, and she continued to stare and the pile of paperwork that hasn't been touched in days due to... excessive thinking.

She remained unresponsive to his nit-picking, but was suddenly tempted to destroy everything around her. Or maybe... just sit there and cry. Something wasn't right, nothing was right at the moment. The world was going by too smoothly...

"HOLLY!" Kelp bellowed. The major jumped and cringed, unaware that he was trying to talk to her.

"What, what?" she asked, releasing a breath she didn't know she was holding. Her face beat red, eyes drooping and hair mussed raggedly from pulling at it so much.

Trouble softened up immediately. "Hey, are you doin' alright Hols?"

"It's _Holly,_" she said pointedly, relaxing slightly, "Actually, its Major Short while at the LEP."

"Hey, hey," he said, standing back and shrugging, "Surely, _friends_ as close as us can be considered... more. The least I can do is talk to you casually." She didn't like where this could be going already. Again. Great, her day –no– her week was already going terrible, and Trouble was living up to his name at the worst of times.

"With all due respect, _sir,_" she practically spat, resisting punching in his face... or maybe falling to her knees in an uncharacteristic exhaustion, "We are at work. We're professionals. KEEP it that way, for Frond's sake."

"Don't you even like me Holly?" he moaned, sitting in the only other chair in the office. She rolled her eyes, and tossed all the paper on her desk off.

"There's no way in hell your doing this! You crash your way in here worried about me, now you wanna know my opinion on you? What about me? I feel like I'm about to explode! And you come in here – asking me – about my relationship... with YOU?" She was standing now, arms raised in exasperation, and temper ready to reach a new boiling point. Her face would make Root proud.

Trouble looked quite comical really. His mouth hung open and eyes wide with shock. He looked rather like he had been slapped. Holly would have laughed, but she couldn't right now.

"Yes, Trouble, I like you," her voice softened, "I do. Your a really great guy. In fact, now that I think about it, before I met the Mud-Man (Trouble didn't catch the whole 'Man' thing) we may have actually had... a bit of a future together. But so much has changed since then. The world has changed. I've changed. And I think... ever since you became Commander... you've changed too."

A look flew across Trouble's face. A spark of hope it seemed. It hadn't really been that long since the boy. He stood, and walked to her.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean..." she paused, "I did love you. I still do, in a way-" She would have continued to explain the way that she loves him like a brother, maybe like the best friend an elf could ever ask for.

But there was... a bit of a problem preventing her from doing so.

The lips of a desperate, antagonizing Trubs were crushing her own in a crazy attempt at rekindling said past love.

FOWL MANOR

Artemis sat staring at his computer screen. In front of him was something he had whipped up to read, and the only logical way he could describe it? Stupid. Utterly stupid. Never, in his few years, had he ever seen anything so painfully, ridiculously _stupid._ So for the 14th time that night, he slammed his long, slim finger on the delete button, completely erasing the _stupid _letter.

"Butler!" he yelled in frustration.

Obviously, within 3 seconds the door was opened and closed so quickly and silently that only Artemis could have known he was in there. Not to mention the two large Glocks sweeping across the rooms in the shadows whilst carried by a near 7 foot tall and bulging with muscles, barrel chested Butler.

"Relax, my old friend. There is no threat in this room," under his breath, the criminalistic prodigy muttered, "next to my own stupidity," with a frown.

The guns lowered.

"What would you like? More_ errands_?" he mused sarcastically. Artemis would have rolled his eyes, but was still far too upset with himself and embarrassed at the same time.

"Not," he paused, "exactly." Butler responded with a raised brow and growing grin. The young charge, embarrassed? This had to be good. "I've been meaning to contact my, er, 'friends' recently, and I really can't seem to go about wording my invitation accordingly. 15 times the charm, it seems. I really do despise my luck in socializing, you know that Butler?"

"Does this 'friend' happen to be-"

"Does 'er' count as a word? That makes 40 words." Butler frowned, but continued his question.

"Does this 'friend' happen to be less than 5 feet tall, female, and one of your favourite obsessions?"

If Artemis was facing his ago old friend (thank Frond he wasn't) Butler would have the worlds hardest time resisting laughing till he dropped to the floor.

But alas, he was facing his computer screen with one eye wide, one squinting, mouth opening and closing rapidly while trying to come up with some witty remark no doubt, and his face beyond flush with red.

After a few moments of Butler staring intently at the back of his friends head with a humongous smirk-like grin that only a man his size could pull off, Artemis finally answered.

"P-possibly. Butler, must you know me so well?" he sighed. Butler definitely noticed the stutter though.

"Oh just call her Artemis!"

"Who now?"

"Artemis!" The young man groaned in frustration.

"It's just been a while now? Between my plotting and our escapades, we became good friends, clearly. Now that it seems the world's at ease... I'm just, for once in my short life... unsure as to what to do with myself." His shoulders slumped in defeat at last. "At least I can truly enjoy life when I have the young Major at my side."

Butler smiled. "And am I really that boring, Artemis?" His charge frowned, then finally looked at his life-friend with a small, genuine smile. He stood slowly and walked to his friend patting his arm as he went. "I'll think Butler. And you know what I meant for Frond's sake!" Butler just stood there and smiled widely.


	2. Who Needs Rules?

**A/N Sorry I didn't leave an author's note previously. I don't own Artemis Fowl, blah blah blah. Anyhow, not too sure where I'm going to go, but I've got an idea. Plus, I managed to write a 156 page long book on whims only... plus it's not even done! Anyhow, enjoy my crap here xD **

**FOWL MANOR**

Artemis Fowl II was deep in thought. He had been in thought for quite a while now, running different scenarios through his brain, depicting options and possibilities, but nothing seemed to add up just right. So much deceit and crimes over the years. Heroics, antics, fights, arguments, polar opposites, and still _friends._

He loved the word as much as he was beginning to hate it. With a new passion. A passion that lacked previously. And with every day, he knew it growing. Swelling in his mind like a bomb preparing to... go off at any time. Of course, their were two catches.

One. Artemis _knew exactly _what it was. What this problem seemed to be. It wasn't much of a problem in the end. Really. It was nearly a good thing, if not for the fact that it could do more damage to him than a direct and honest insult to Foaly's intelligence. More than Mulch's damnable 'explosive capabilities.'

Two. God, what a terrible number. Half as bad as four. Death. But he knew that wasn't important. The important thing was that Artemis, for the first time in his life, didn't know _how_ to fix his problem. The problem that had plagued him, unbeknownst to no-one but himself and the source, for years. It broke him inside, split him in two. Caused him to flinch at the thought of two, being half of four. A bad number, four. And two.

Wait. He forgot the third problem. Now he had a splitting headache.

Butler entered the room, his typical, terrifying demeanour fading as he looked at the distraught young man.

Butler was proud of Artemis. Over the last while, his criminalistic activities were become less of exactly that. He, as a person, a whole, had grown so much. Three years in a day, so to speak, he mused to himself, almost chuckling out loud.

But he was also worried. The Atlantis Complex had certainly faded to a much smaller extent, his split personality developed into himself, and utter fear of fours... _faded. _Not gone, and his love of fives...

Butler sighed.

"Artemis?" he asked, "Are you alright? You seem a little... well _strained _recently."

The boy looked up at his friend. He knew what was coming already.

"Did you at least try?"

Artemis shook his head, when suddenly his LEP communicator rang, and a very Root-like Commander Trouble was on the other line.

"**YOU MUD BOY!" **he bellowed, red faced and glaring, pointing an accusing finger at the little screen. Clearly something had happened recently that must have led Kelp to assume it was his fault. Then again, it seemed more and more recent that he was... unreasonable.

"Yes, Trouble, I am... _that._" Five words.

The Commander sighed and calmed, but the glare remained. At least his voice came out more... sophisticated.

"Listen, mud-boy, you have to do something before I change my mind. Holly is coming for an extended vacation. With-out pay." He looked pained. Maybe frustrated. Maybe both. Artemis would have to enquire Foaly for details. The damn donkey-boy seemed to always have childish gossip on hand, and something about Trouble remind him of an angry child with power and a gun.

"Why, of course my good Commander," he grinned with a flash of a smirk beneath it. Six words?

On the inside, Artemis felt like he was exploding. His heart flipped uncomfortably, and stomach lurched. Holly was coming over?

Then joy. A huge grin almost broke across his face like a child on Christmas. He didn't even need to make the call.

Of course, as Trouble was hanging up, Artemis noticed a large red mark on the side of his face, along with what looked like what is growing to be a black eye. But the call disconnected before he could say anything. Then came that giant grin and another heart flop.\

**LEP HQ : EARLIER**

The lips on her lips. Oh god, he was kissing her.

And honestly? It wasn't all bad. It was rather nice, comforting, soft. Worst of all, it seemed like it fit. Perfectly. Everything seemed _right. _Like the whole Ying and Yang metaphor.

She hated that metaphor. It seemed like there was a 'rule' of perfection. And also, she honestly thought to herself, (while still being smothered) she had begun to enjoy things that didn't fit. Large to small. Polar opposites. Opposites attract. Another rule, yes, but it made this situation wrong, and that was good enough for her. It felt wrong in her heart, despite everything they had gone through together. Like a brother and sister.

So, upon her own conclusion, she acted swiftly.

She slapped. Hard. Hard enough to send her old friend reeling across the room, only to fall over the chair he had placed between them and the door out. She pressed a small button on her desk that sent a silent alert to the buildings security. Trouble was about to get... temperamental.

She smirked at the thought. Guess it's time to break some rules.

She pushed the chair out of her way, and grabbed Kelp by the collar, heaving him up to face her.

"Frond's... name... what's wrong with you Holly? D'arvit!"

What was this look in her eye, he wondered. It was like fear mixed with victory... with a hint of exhaustion. A smile had crept to her face, quite like one he had seen Artemis use years ago. Almost vampiric really. She closed the golden eye that was originally hers, revealing only the mud-boy's in question.

"Hey Trubs? You and I? We're good friends and all, but I'm in the mood. I think you broke a rule, and this crazy girly captain is a bit jealous! Why don't I get to break rules too?" she paused, feigning thought process, "You know what? I know how to fix this! I'll just... make up for it."

With a hurl of all the strength she could muster, he small, fairy fist collided with Kelp's eye, knocking him out.

Within seconds, the security showed up and misunderstood the whole situation. Perfect. Holly grinned with pride as she laid back in her chair, spinning it around and resisting giggling while the guards looked at her with looks of surprise on their faces.

Within hours and the case being presented to the Council, Holly was diagnosed with mental health issues, malnutrition, long-term exhaustion, and a little bit more. After the meeting, (which Holly hardly listened to. I mean, like, at all.) one of the councillors pulled her aside.

"Listen, Major Holly. I've seen stuff like this before."

Holly raised a brow.

"I really shouldn't be doing this, but I'll let you know something. You need to take some... time to yourself, I'll say. Maybe, after doing what it is you need to do, you'll come back to the LEP feeling... refreshed. But make sure you come to terms with _everything _that's happening in your life. Not just what's happening around you, but in you as well."

Now Holly was really sceptical. One of the esteemed Councillors coming to talk to her one on one, just for her own sake?

"What's your angle, no disrespect intended ma'am, but to what interest is a single LEP officer to you?"

The Councillor smiled, looking back on some old memory, it seemed.

"Don't make the same mistakes I did. That's why. Now, go home for the night. Tomorrow, tell your... er..." the Councillor chuckled, "_friend, _Commander Kelp what you would like to do for your vacation. It's his responsibility as to get you access, but it's up to you to decide."

Holly paused thoughtfully. Where should she go? Foaly's? Nah, too annoying. Mulch? Frond protect me. Lili?

Of course, she already knew the answer to her question. Fowl.

"Any ideas?" the elder elf asked with a mischievous grin. Holly grinned too, one that matched the elder's.

"Yeah, yeah. I guess I got a clue. I've got a... friend... to go piss off. It's a bit against regulations to visit him, but you know what?"

The elder chuckled.

"You've never been one for rules," she chuckled, nervously remembering reading through the Major's files. Quite a history, if an elf ever had one.

**A/N -sigh- this is atrocious. I hate myself. But writing is always fun. Hope at least you enjoyed it. Next chapter? Some proper A/H I promise. ANYWAYS. Make sure you review! I need to know how to write better.**


	3. Bets, Games, Misinterpretations

**A/N Just watched Zombieland, my favourite movie in the world, mm hm. Anyhow, gunna attempt fluff and awkward situations that I'm sure would want a few main characters to want to kill me in a slow, painful manner. Anyhow, enjoy the authors note that im foing without looking at the screen/ keyboard. xD**

FOWL MANOR

Holly stood outside the looming door of the mansion she had seen many, many times. Kelp had swiftly kicked her behind to Fowl's with a grimace on his face and a glare in his eyes. He did not appreciate her choice of where she was to stay for the next two weeks.

But... that was one of her many reasons, none of which, (with much self-denial) involved anything... schemey. That's not a word, she told herself.

Well, she thought to herself, saying anything else would mean admitting things.

Things like what? Hm? What could she possibly hide from _herself?_

Probably things emotional. Those things suck. A lot. And Trouble wasn't helping.

Suddenly coming here felt like a bad idea.

Where the hell was Artemis anyway? The security cameras should have picked her up immediately from several hundred yards away. Must have begun to lose his grip on his security, giving Butler a break and whatnot.

Of course, right then, the door flew open to a pale, elongated boy.

"Holly!"

She almost jumped in surprise, blushing as he put his long arms around her and lifting her off the ground. Since when was Arty so... strong?

She chuckled, and managed to recover her flushed face quickly. "Didn't realize the little mud-boy could lift 35 pounds."

He grinned slightly and put her down, his own face blushing as well.

"You are well aware that I am more than capable of lifting your small frame."

"Is that a compliment?" she sneered, then pushed him out of the way with ease, "now let me in, I got some... er... stuff to lug in."

"Stuff?" he parroted.

"Uh, yeah. Two weeks, remember genius?" He frowned, realizing something slightly discomforting. "What?" she asked, seeing the look on his face.

"Hm, nothing. Not yet. Shall we go in?" he said, motioning the doorway and bowing slightly.

"Oh, quite the formal act Arty, this is a... somewhat friendly visit!" she grabbed his hand and pulled him inwards, slamming the door behind her with finality.

The only thought going through Artemis' mind was the warmth of Holly's tiny hand gently pulling him along to one of the main living areas of the manor.

In this particular room, the carpet was dark, velvety red with beautiful gold lining. The curtains matched perfectly, and were so thick that on the brightest of days, the light would stop, the loudest of storms, the sound muted like a dead scream. It was almost an eerie room, the sheer overwhelming existence of it, but it was not unfamiliar to the pair.

A few stains were on the carpet, each one connected to a story belonging to (typically) Holly having an outburst, followed by an outburst of sheer horror from the young prodigy, followed by a light, nervous laugh, oops, then a quick reassurance that it would wash out with a little water, which, as it happens, would not. At all.

Of course, the same rule applied to the curtains and loveseat and... basically whatever else the elf could get her small, nimble hands on.

Speaking of said couch, Holly promptly plopped her body down with a light thud, the cushioning exhaling slightly, than a motion towards the spot next to her. Artemis sighed and considered refusing, just to entice a little fight from her.

She, knowing him too well, it seemed, glared at him playfully, and causing him to suddenly think better of toying with her. Instead, he simply grinned childishly.

The elf stared as he sat, with a large, satisfied grin planted on his face.

"Surely, it hasn't been _that _long since I've been here?" she said coyly, "miss me... _that _much?"

Artemis blushed slightly, and avoided looking her in the eyes.

"Of course not! Our telephone conversations have kept me entirely aware of your well-being. Your presence is never forgotten or missed."

Holly frowned. Only slightly, but she felt rather disappointed really. Then she frowned at herself. Boy, she was frowning a lot lately. But she had no reason to be disappointed! It was Arty, the damn, almost heartless Mud-man who fought against... and with... her on way too many occasions. Then she chuckled at the thought. At least the 'against' part was enjoyable, almost cute, banter the two shared on a regular basis.

Of course, Artemis did not miss the wide range of emotions flashing across Holly's face. He reacted quickly. Probably too quickly, he speculated.

"I didn't mean it that way, and you know it." She pouted, puffing out her lips. Highly uncharacteristic, they both realized, but she went along with it anyway.

"Well, you could have been a little nicer about it."

"Nicer about it?" he repeated, playing her game. He was well accustomed to this, and didn't necessarily mind it.

"Yes!" she turned her nose up and away in a sulking manner. He chuckled, then got to something that had been nagging him.

"So... what exactly did you do in order to get _you,_the great Holly Short, kicked out of the LEP?"

"I was not kicked out!" she scoffed, "merely..."

"Suspended. Removed temporarily. Forcibly excited -er- exitted?" he asked, trying to cover up his mistake. _Excited? Did he just say excited? _His face flushed all kinds of red. And, as much as it pained her, she thought of Root's face, and it's... er... many shades of red.

"Y-yes," she stuttered, wondering exactly what would prompt to make such a mistake. She brought the conversation back to where it belongs. "I turned down the Commanders request to become lovers in a way that suits me best."

"That best suits you," he corrected non-nonchalantly. She shot him a glare, and he motioned for her to continue.

"_Anyway, _he decided to," her face flashed in discomfort, "show physically how he felt. And I mean very physically."

Artemis' mouth dropped in shock. He forced himself on her?

A sudden, overwhelming anger struck Artemis, and he didn't know how to react. He sat there, his heart pounding and mind numb with a frustration at sorts.

"So I decided to show him how _I_ felt. Physically of course."

Then Artemis' heart felt like it had stopped completely. Not a little jump of skip he felt around her occasionally, which worried him some days about his hearts exact condition. That was surely not good.

"You mean- you- I- er... what?" he said, dumbfounded. Holly chuckled, hoping for this reaction. She sort of enjoyed misleading the poor Mud-man a little. But her heart skipped, why would she want him upset over the possibility of her being... escorted... by another man?

"Relax, relax. I punched him so hard in the face I think magic won't fix his damn nose. Frond knows that the pompous jerk deserved it."

Artemis sighed in relief, something else Holly took note of, her cheeks heating slightly. Why was she doing this? Honestly! It felt like torture, just sitting and talking as if they were an old married couple of Dwarves. Nothing more obnoxious than that.

She scoffed loudly at the thought, and Artemis raised an eyebrow. She shook her head, signalling it was just nothing.

"Yes, well, I have some interesting news of my own."

"Mhm," she mumbled, suddenly not interested due to that it was probably _not _interesting. _At all._

"Butler is leaving." She looked over to him, slightly surprised. "It gets better, honestly. He's taking everyone with him. _Everyone._ Meaning he intentionally left you and me here alone to poke fun at the... er... relationship we've had over time."

Relationship? What was that supposed to mean, she thought, wide-eyed.

"We argue so much that he told me he made a bet with my mother and father that eventually one of would crack and have to leave the house temporarily. I, of course, reacted as if I were offended and decided to, how does the saying go, spice the deal up. I had assumed he would be gone anywhere between a day and a week, but it appears he plans on staying well away from the house for the full two weeks you're staying here, excluding today, of course."

"You talk way to much," Holly muttered, and Artemis stuck out his bottom lip, pouting. God knows why he would do something so childish. Holly smiled and leaned over, poking him in the side of his cheek.

She didn't know why, but it felt like time to play a game.

He looked over to her as if she had just done something incredulous. Then, frowning he, poked her with his long, slender fingers in her forehead roughly, then turned away to face the gargantuan television in the room to watch the nose.

Of course, this meant war.

"Game on Arty."

"What?"

A second later, he was tackled by the short humanoid who was poking him as if her life depended on it. She jabbed continuously in the sides, causing him to laugh painfully while trying to protect his sides.

"H-Holly, ss-stop! Puh-please!" he begged, trying to roll out from underneath her light frame.

"Nevah!" she yelled, continuing her assault on his ticklish sides.

"Butler! Butler! Help!" he shouted, hoping his body guard would end this pleasurable torture.

No such help came.

"That's not fair Fowl!" she shouted, attempting to cover his mouth with her hand, but he bit lightly and she let go.

He didn't know what to do. She wasn't stopping, and he knew that the one thing that he could do was hardly a foot away.

So in a last ditch attempt, he reach out, grabbed her head and brought it down to meet his eyes, matching hers perfectly, then stared intently.

She could feel the warmth of his breath. Suddenly, everything felt painfully slow. Enjoyable warm on the floor. Comfortable, really. Inviting. And on her cheek, she felt something wet, followed by a blue spark erupting from her friends lips as they made contact with said cheek.

Her mind went numb for a moment. Then, before she could react, she lost track of where her large Mud-man went. He was no longer below her, that was for sure, but she still remained frozen.

Most due to the fact that Artemis crawled over, and whispered into her ear, "I win, Short. Game. Over." and sat back down on the loveseat, leaving Holly practically quivering. It was going to be an interesting two weeks.

Meanwhile, Butler cursed as he handed one-hundred dollars to his younger sister from behind the door.

"Thanks Dom, told you he'd kiss her. I'm gooood," she chuckled, walking away.

**A/N Sorry guys, I was retardedly busy over the weekend. This is up Halloween, and it will be up again on Thursdays. Yay. Anyhow, love the games, and the writer. Comments make my day so much better. Review! And try to point out _exactly _what I could do better. Thanks :D**


	4. He's Watching You

**A/N Ah, yes, it seems I owe everyone a chappy of some fluff. Perhaps. Nah, I can't help it. Please review, nothing makes me happier. Except vests and guns :D**

"ARTEMIS!" screamed the elf. Her voice echoed throughout the Manor that belonged to the man/boy in question. He had only lived 15 years, but had existed in other peoples memories 18 years. And whatever was _supposed _to happen over the three year difference, over the last... well, three years since they had returned **(It's been 3 years after TTP with a clear hint of TAC being over and cured) **and the space time-thingy had caught up to him faster than it should have.

In other words, he certain looked... older.

She couldn't bring herself to say mature. It seemed so surreal.

But, back to her chasing him around, immediately after an... embarrassing moment, Artemis heard a snicker and ran after what Holly was assumed to be Butler and Juliet.

Given the gigantic thumping of Butler up the stairs and a hysterical giggle of a young female. Then a red faced Artemis flew out the door.

It's been an hour of hide-and-seek, and Holly was almost sick of it. Almost. But vengeance overruled all thoughts. She had to win, and she was well aware that Arty was not one to give in to loss. Neither. Was. She.

Her elfin ears picked up a gasp down the long hallway with dozens of doors she was now facing.

The hunt was on.

"Come out, come out, wherever thou art, Mud-boy!" she bellowed as loud as she could, with as much bravado as she could muster. But something about this hallway seemed eerie really. Like a never ending maze with no turn, entrances, or exits.

She continued to the nearest door, lifter her foot, and kicked the door open with her slim thigh as hard as she could.

Empty.

A moment later, another door. Almost blown completely off its hinges.

And another.

And another.

And another.

This continued for a while, and each one felt like a step closer. But she had to be intimidating and efficient. Forceful. It was the only way she could win.

Eventually, she came to the last door.

"I've got ya now Mud-boy! Crazy female captain comin' for you!"

The door flew into the dark room. She looked everywhere, and she was highly disappointed to find nothing. At all.

"_You know-" _she nearly jumped out of her skin, _"You really didn't have to viciously pick apart each living facility of the South delta wing of the building to find me."_

"Wha-"

"_I'm in my office, you know very well." _He chuckled,_ "Ah, apparently not. My mistake." _

She groaned and leaned her head against the wall. How could this playful mud-boy be so damn frustrating?

"_Now, my crazy _Major_, you may feel that an apology is in order-"_

"I do, actually."

"_Yes, of course. But, if I'm not mistaken, you attacked me, and-"_

"Oh, come on, that was just fun and games! You kissed-"

"_I did whatever it took-"_

"_Oh come one, Arty, you totally made out with her, and cause you _wanted _to!" _Juliet piped up over the mic echoing about the grounds.

"_I, uh, w-well, that's not, uh, not the case!"_

"_Holly, oh I wish you could see this, he's blushing so much, ah hahaha ha-"_

The radio went dead. And Holly stared at the empty room in front of her, blushing madly herself after hearing that and hoping Juliet was too busy concentrating on the brat who she decided to room with for two whole weeks. It hadn't even been a day and she felt like she was a young teenager (by elf standards, of course) spending quality time with her first crush.

And soon enough, it will be all alone. Without Juliet.

She was suddenly at complete odds with herself whether or not this would be good, bad, awkward, or very, very good.

Of course, what she really did not count on was a centaur, deep, deep below the surface, laughing so hard he was almost entirely on the ground, watching her reactions to Juliet and Artemis over the radio.

Until the phone rang. Then she went dead white.

**A/N Kay, short, I know. And more games between the characters. Sorry. Anyhow, to make up for it and my late post, I'm gunna try and post another in the next half hour to an hour, so keep an eye out, if you have the time. Review Frond-dammit!**


	5. Caught

**A/N Hm, I think minimal 'fluff' this time. More comedy, I think.**

Holly sighed, and pinched her brow.

Then she stopped, and felt a little like Artemis, using one of his methods of relaxations. Silly. It almost worked too, but maybe larger hands with long, slim fingers could do the trick. Next time she's stressed for a reason that did not specifically involve Artemis, she'd have to ask him to do it for her.

She then tried to stop herself from coming up with lies to convince him to rub her temples.

But now, she knew where he was, and revenge was about to be initiated.

On the West wing, third floor, sat the man in question. He was shutting down his computers as fast as he could possibly muster. How could things get any more... what was the word he was looking for? Aggravating? Possibly.

"Juliet," he sighed, "this is clearly a misunderstanding." Butler chuckled from behind his younger sibling, but did his best to remain silent. Madam Ko had trained him to remained straight faced in the utmost horrifying times, not the most ridiculous, comical moments that he himself had mustered up with the help of none other than his protege.

"Oh, sure," she rolled her eyes, dragging the her vowels out to add sarcasm. How uncouth, he decided, then crossed his arms, "cause you totally didn't get a taste of elf flesh a few minutes ago, then play ring-around-the-rosie around the house for an hour?"

"What else was I supposed to do? Let her catch me? Lose?"

"Just admit it, you want some elf a-" Fortunately, she was cut off, otherwise Butler may have been... upset.

"Oh, so it's a game now? I'd say it's just good old fashioned revenge."

Everyone in the room swerved their heads to see the elf in question holding a weapon. What it was, exactly, Artemis never knew, because Butler wasn't fast enough to stop the stun-set blast from knocking him unconscious for several hours.

"That was pretty unnecessary," Juliet laughed, walking out with her brother, "but a nice touch."

"Thank you. Do you have any rope? I gotta tie me up some mud-boy."

"Yeah, I'll get you some."

After Juliet left with Butler, who had to go pack, Holly lifted Artemis with a hoist of strength, and plopped him down on his rotating chair. She always sort-of liked this chair. It looked comfy. She suddenly imagined herself sitting not technically in the chair, but on someone who was on the chair, and longing for it.

She didn't even care why. But she decided she wanted to do it. Artemis was unconscious, he wouldn't care or even know, and Juliet was probably going to some random sector of the house that was forever away.

She seated him down, and realized it may never have been the chair that looked comfortable.

As she laid him down, he released a sigh. Long and tired and warm. Warm? His breath had brushed up against the nape of her neck. She shivered, much the same as she had earlier that day. It was a... pleasurable shiver. Is that the way to describe it?

It felt warm. Overwhelmingly. Her mind numbed slightly, and she crawled onto his sleeping lap. Frond he was big. Really big. Tall, slim, he wasn't as thin as he used to be, sickly, weak. He had filled back out after the 'treatments.' The rest was up to his mind, and that's what he used best.

She held her body close to his, trying to take in his warmth like a force that could be drawn out. But her straw was too small. She couldn't get enough. She sort of wished that he were awake, allowing her to do this, _forcing_ her to do this. She might even let him. After all, she was doing this now, wasn't she?

She sighed against his chest, which her head was pressed right up against now. His heartbeat thudded into her palm that held his hands tightly.

She sighed again, saddened really. This was something that wasn't meant to be, to happen. Ever. This sort of thing never worked out. She knew that far too well.

And despite her rationale, she couldn't help but disagree with herself. She _wanted _it. A lot. This warmth was something she wanted to feel until she dies. She felt like she was dying without it already.

She withheld a whine as she got off her more than comfortable mount and recomposed herself. She frowned and feigned a temper. Crossing her arms,she tapped her foot a few times. Good. She felt her usual self returning. What was that?

What was what? I never did anything.

Exactly. Nobody will know. I won't even know.

Know what?

Of course, Foaly knew. Now he wasn't laughing. Now he was watching with concern. Worry for his friend. He needed to talk to her. Someone. Soon.

So he called her, and watched on the screen as she picked up.

"Holly."

"Yes, Foaly," she responded. A little fast, nervous. Was she caught? The first time she makes a half-move, she's caught? Really?

"Things are getting interesting."

"Oh?"

"Yes. Some circumstances have arrived and you are particularly an interesting subject of importance."

"Right. Do I need to come back, or can this be done here? 'Cause I am entirely legally allowed to stay right where I am for the next 2 weeks, so-"

"Yes, yes Holly. This is... personal between you, me, and Artemis."

Oh yes. She was certainly caught. But he didn't have to know that she knew.

"What in Frond's name are you talking about Donkey-boy?"

"Holly, I'm talking about you indisputable infatuation with a certain Mud-Man! You know exactly what I'm talking about, and if Trouble finds something out, you're probably going to be fired, I'm going to despise my job and-"

"Foaly, where you..." she said, looking for a camera, her face flushing red. AGAIN.

It was then, she felt an anger build up inside her. One almost exactly like when Trouble had near attacked her. She felt violated. Her one moment of showing weakness, her one moment she decided to enjoy the warmth of another's embrace, truly enjoy it...

She disconnected immediately and stormed out to find Juliet to find out where she was to sleep.

She just wanted to be left alone. To finally enjoy herself at a whole new level she hadn't had in years.

**A/N Holly's pissed now. No joking. And I lied, a little fluff. I dunno when I'll post again. Review, and I hope you've enjoy so far!**

**PS Thank you to all my reviewers, and a call-out to SHTOOBS for the best name out there!**

**~Demon**


	6. The Problem Itself

**A/N My bad for not posting recently, but some more fluff and angst from Holly. Dunno exactly what I'm doing with Artemis, his emotions are all whack anyway. With Trouble and Foaly, next chapter will be almost solely about them. So with Arty, I'ma wing it. Plus, to transist between POV, a line will be added.**

**And about the cereal thing later on... it helps me, so yeah.**

The next morning Artemis awoke quite suddenly with a throbbing headache. What in Frond's name could have brought such a devastating agony to his cranium? It was a miracle he wasn't dead, or at least further maimed.

That was an exaggeration, obviously. But still, the feeling was most unpleasant.

He arose from his chair, with more pain shooting from the core of his body. Yes, sleeping in such an unnatural position would cause that sort of reaction.

Well, it was morning, so Butler, Juliet, and his beloved parents were beyond gone. Probably half-way across the planet. Wonderful, he was left alone for two weeks with a maniacal elf. He was intrigued, and an overwhelming feeling of... joy... overtook him. Warmth, perhaps, would best describe what filled him.

Then dread as the door to the study and/or recreational area swung open to a 60% dressed female elf.

"Where's the damn kitchen? 'M too tired to firgure this maze house out..." she mumbled.

Artemis could almost laugh, if not knowing better. Nourishment, nature's first and foremost call. So he straightened his shirt, decided to push all thoughts about the fact that (just realizing this now) Holly was wearing nothing more than one of his own shirts. It appeared she slept in his room overnight.

And possibly nude. Completely and utterly nude. Bare flesh pressed against the fibres his own body uses every night for the last 18 years.

His mind blanked for a moment, until the elf spoke up.

"Erm... kinda borrowed a shirt of yours," she said, tugging at it, "now, food Mud-boy! Rich people need that to survive too, right?"

Artemis frowned. Holly was still Holly, but she didn't seem to be entirely herself. Conflict erupted inside him as to whether or not to question this, but it seemed just too strange.

"Holly, are you feeling alright?"

Her eyes widened for a second, just enough to see they were slightly pink. In fact, she looked rather ill, as if suddenly hit with the common influenza. And she was standing slightly crooked, slouched. He should have seen it sooner.

She must have gotten in the wine some time after thoroughly knocking him out.

Post-inebriation.

She walked up to him slowly while he asked, briskly jumping to her side. "Did you drink alcohol? Why would you do something so uncharacteristic, irresponsible?"

"Don't get mad, Arty. I was just... ugh, pissed off at the world. Everything's just going terrible at the LEP, Trouble's as clingy as a child and trying to make a move on me all the time, Foaly is spying on... er... _me _on a regular basis..."

Artemis found two things most disturbing immediately. Trouble, though it still doesn't surprise him, and she was stretching the truth about Foaly. But he didn't necessarily mind that. His friend appeared to be in need of empathy, or at least sympathy, she was in pain.

She leaned against him and held his waist tightly with her strong, short arms, doing her best to make as much contact with him as possible. He did the only thing he could think to do at the moment. He held her back just as tightly.

They stood like that for some time before Artemis realized she was shaking. Violently. Or rather, convulsing in a way. For a moment he went white in fear of her hurling, but that wasn't the case. She was sobbing.

Everything hurt. Bad. And his arms seemed so welcoming, so warm.

She hummed lightly, enjoying the absolute silence to help nullify her pounding hangover. Of course, after about five minutes, it was kind of awkward, and Artemis attempted to pull away.

"I would recommend some liquid's. Water and milk, followed by light food. Cereal, I read somewhere, is most enjoyable after a night of excessive drinking."

"Shut up Mud-man. Carry me to food," she said, while reaching up to attempt to slap his face to silence him. Her had only managed to lay across his gargantuan (by comparison, of course) chest.

She knew something about this request. She totally knew he would _never_ do this on a regular occasion, and she might as well use him to her benefit.

He sighed and grumbled something about similarity to American nature and she may have accidentally picked up the word cute, but she still couldn't think straight.

**LAST NIGHT**

"Damn Foaly, damn Trouble, damn Artemis for not noticing me, damn Juliet and Butler and everyone else I know." The young elf whipped open the last cupboard and came across something of anything to

help cheer her up. Booze.

Part of her told her she was being irrational. Stupid. But she knew two things. That's what _Foaly _would tell her, and that she was safe in the Fowl Manor. Safe enough to do what ever she wanted, and she was spiralling destructively at the moment. And if that's the case, if she's going to be in the 'vicious circle,' then Frond, she was going to enjoy it.

After one full wine bottle, she decided on her next course of action. Not a smart one, but one she wanted at the moment. Bad. She headed straight for the room of her painful, entirely frowned upon infatuation.

The door swung open, and her clothes were already off. Of course, she forgot he wasn't in there, and passed out the second she hit the bed anyways.

The next morning, a shirt was found and pulled on, her old clothing missing/torn.

**NOW**

Artemis lifted Holly with ease, she was limp in his arms. She couldn't help but gush at his arms, completely swallowing her. This was the feeling she was looking for last night. She was sort of glad he was stuck, knocked out on his little chair. Whatever she was planning in her stuppored state, it could have ruined what she wanted with him.

Or sealed it.

She wouldn't forget that thought any time soon.

As he carried her, she thought carefully. There were clearly emotions between the two of them. Artemis had, in the form of Orion, confessed many times, in many, obnoxious ways. She shuddered at the thought. He was a pain.

And she, too, had something for him. Despite all his lies and terrible deeds, those were long gone in the past. He made up for every sin. And, after all, she was most certainly the one who initiated the kiss. She loved him. She wanted him. Perhaps as bad as he wanted to love her.

But there was a problem. One that made her afraid like no fear felt before. One that rooted her to the spot some days, made Artemis's brain falter.

Whatever relationship these two could have would never last. He would die, die, die, die 10 times before she would. And her heart would break just as many times. Break to the point that her hardy life she's led, the strength and fame and experience she's had over the years...

It would all collapse into a blackness that she would never leave, probably inducing her own Atlantis Complex to such an extent, despite the supposed, modern, 'immunity' the elves have...

Everything that was important to her would be so meaningless, all over a little love. Ironic, she thought to herself, how much her life really sucks.

So, for now, she snuggled into Artemis's chest while still half-inbredded, or whatever the hell Arty called it. At least he was with her now.

**A/N Thought I'd go a little more... in depth. Any flaws? Point'em out and let me burn in hell for being to lazy to proofread. And sorry for not doing that last time, I was just FLYING with the keys, ya know? Anyhow, this is over! R&R pl0x, it makes me happy face!**


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